Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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