you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
