By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize