Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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