My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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