Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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