so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
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Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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