But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
