we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
