dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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