youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
sarcasm needs its own font
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
