Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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