we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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