I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
