Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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