hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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