So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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