Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
someone owes me an orgasm
why do cheetos always look like penises
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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