I just cut my nipple shaving
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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