Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
