Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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