I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
