why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
