I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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