so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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