dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
