I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
try to milk me bitch
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