There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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