I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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