Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
