You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
