I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
