you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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