Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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