i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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