hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
