I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
