I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It was a blind-side dick pic.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
