pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
