Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
