Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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