woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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