I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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