OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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