Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
