No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
