Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
