A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
