I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
