He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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