i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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