Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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