well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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