I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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