sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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