I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
