I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
