no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
