Only a mothe r could love this liver
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
