I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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