If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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