Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
