Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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