and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Text me some of your sweat
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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