haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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