I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
