i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I want is dick and wine.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
