Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
