Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
