WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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