I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
