doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
