I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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