I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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