My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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