In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
