Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
