Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Let's get the cat blown out
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
